Christina, 29, has been with her serious boyfriend for several years. For most of their relationship, he's worked at a start-up - until the company went under four months ago. He still hasn't found a new job, and it's wearing on them both. They don't share an apartment, technically, but he stays at her place all the time (which is nicer, and doesn't have roommates), and she feels like he's basically living there rent-free. Whenever they go anywhere, she now pays for them both. She wants to be supportive, but she's starting to feel uncomfortable with it - and taken advantage of. She works for a marketing firm and, while her paycheck is steady, she's not made of money. Long-term, she can't keep this up. She knows he's trying, and she wants to help, but what if she's enabling him?
29岁的克里斯蒂娜和她的男朋友在一起已经好几年了。谈恋爱的那几年，他一直都在一家创业公司上班--但四个月前，这家公司破产了。四个月过去了，他还是没有找到新工作，这让他们两个人都很累。严格说来，他们俩不住在同一个公寓，但他却总是呆在她的住处（这样更好，他们没有室友），但她觉得他住在她那儿简直就是白住。不管他们去哪，她现在都要花两个人的钱。她也想支持他，但她却感觉有点不舒服了--觉得他在占她便宜。她在一家营销公司上班，虽然工资很稳定，但她的钱也不是白来的。长远看来，她无法一直保持这种状态。她知道他也在努力，她也想帮忙，但如果她这是在助长他呢？This could go one of two ways: It could be the catalyst for your breakup, or it could be the first major challenge that you and your boyfriend get through together. Neither will be fun or sexy. But the key for handling it with your head up (and minimizing further financial damage) is to focus on your own experience - and bank account - instead of worrying about whether he's mooching off you or not. "You can't prove if he's taking advantage of your finances, or you're enabling him by taking on more financial responsibilities," says Amanda Clayman, an L.A.-based financial therapist who has treated many couples in this position. "There won't be a productive conversation around that."
这会有两种结果：这件事可能是你们分手的催化剂，也有可能是你和你男朋友需要共同度过的第一个重大挑战。不管是哪种结果，过程都不会有趣、性感。但处理这件事的关键（并进一步减少财产损失）就是将注意力放在自己身上--和银行卡上--而不是担心他是否在占你便宜。"你无法证明他是否在经济上占你便宜，也无法证明自己是否助长了他在经济上对你的依赖，"洛杉矶的财务专家阿曼达·克莱曼说道，她曾处理过很多这样的案件。"光是谈论这一话题是不会谈出什么好结果的。"
Instead, pay attention to when you're annoyed, and then tell him - carefully. "The only way to constructively and honestly deal with this is by sharing where you're at," explains Clayman. "Unspoken resentment is a dangerous thing in a relationship."
相反，你可以告诉他自己为什么生气--态度好一点。"分享你们各自的想法是解决这一问题的唯一建设性方法，"克莱曼解释道。"感情中，未说出口的憎恨是很危险的。"
Of course, you need to be very strategic about this. Someone who already feels crappy about his joblessness won't react well to one of his major sources of stability telling him that her love is in fact conditional on him rejoining the workforce and ponying up for Seamless orders more often. "Saying that you feel taken advantage of might seem a little strong," says Clayman.
当然，这件事也要讲究战略。有些人本来就因为失业而感到沮丧，如果这些人的恋人对他们说我对你的爱是有条件的，只有你找到工作、更频繁的付钱，我才会爱你，那他们的反应肯定不好。"说自己被他占了便宜可能有点严重，"克莱曼说道。