ON THE RICKSHAW RIDE back to Rahim Khan’s apartment, I remembered Baba saying that my problem was that someone had always done my fighting for me. I was thirty-eight flow. My hair was receding and streaked with gray, and lately I’d traced little crow’s-feet etched around the corners of my eyes. I was older now, but maybe not yet too old to start doing my own fighting. Baba had lied about a lot of things as it turned out but he hadn’t lied about that.
I looked at the round face in the Polaroid again, the way the sun fell on it. My brother’s face. Hassan had loved me once, loved me in a way that no one ever had or ever would again. He was gone now, but a little part of him lived on. It was in ing.I FOUND RAHIM KHAN praying _namaz_ in a corner of the room. He was just a dark silhouette bowing eastward against a bloodred sky. I waited for him to finish.
Then I told him I was going to Kabul. Told him to call the Caldwells in the morning.
“I’ll pray for you, Amir jan,” he said.
我雇了黄包车,在回拉辛汗寓所的路上,我想起爸爸说过,我的问题是,总有人为我挺身而出。如今我三十八岁了,我的头发日渐稀疏,两鬓开始灰白,最近我发现鱼尾纹开始侵蚀我的眼角。现在我老了,但也许还没有老到不能为自己挺身而出的地步。尽管最终发现爸爸说过很多谎言,但这句话倒是实情。
我再次看着宝丽莱照片上的圆脸,看着阳光落在它上面。我弟弟的脸。哈桑曾经深爱过我,以前无人那样待我,日后也永远不会有。他已经走了,但他的一部分还在。在喀布尔。等待。我发现拉辛汗在屋角做祷告。我只见到在血红色的天空下,一个黑色的身影对着东方朝拜。我等待他结束。
然后我告诉他要去喀布尔,告诉他明天早上给卡尔德威打电话。
“我会为你祷告,亲爱的阿米尔。”他说。
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